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2010 PAPERBACK EDITION also available >> (READ FREE ONLINE) full book content added: May 25, 2009
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The Marriage Ring:
or How to Make a Happy Home
A Sermon on Christian Dating, Courting and Marriage; and the paticular Duties of Christian Husbands and Wives
from the writings of
John Angell James
(1785 - 1859, English Nonconformist and Slavery Abolitionist)
1842 Edition (Illuminated Edition)
HAIL & FIRE REPRINTS 2009
HAIL & FIRE REPRINTS 2009
"Pure, open, prosperous love,
That, pledged on earth and sealed above,
Grows in the world's approving eyes,
In Friendship's smile and Home's caress,
Collecting all the heart's sweet ties
Into one knot of happiness!"
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PREFACE
This little volume, intended as a manual for those just entering the marriage state, is selected, principally, from the "works of an author beloved and esteemed for his many practical writings, and who has very justly remarked: -
"It is an unquestionable truth, that if a man be not happy at home, he cannot be happy anywhere; and he who is happy there, need be miserable nowhere. 'It is the place of all the world I love most,'
Published by Hail & Fire
“As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” - Ephesians 5:24-25
An exhortation on CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE AND ITS DUTIES.
A Bible placed between man and wife as the basis of their union, the rule of their conduct, and the model of their spirit will make up for many differences between them, comfort them under many crosses, guide them through many straits, support them in their last sad parting from one another and reunite them in that happy world where they shall remain forever. Let the two parties in wedded life be believers in Christ Jesus and partake themselves of the peace that surpasses understanding. And if happiness is to be found on earth, it will be enjoyed within the hallowed circle of a family thus united by love and sanctified by grace.
BONUS SERMON - included at back of book:
Right to Divorce & Remarriage in the Case of Adultery by John Owen
TABLE OF CONTENTS:
PREFACE
CHAPTER I: INTRODUCTION. THE THE FORMATION OF THE MARRIAGE UNION ... 7.
Importance of this step,
CHAPTER II: THE FAMILY CIRCLE ... 31.
Sources of domestic happiness,
CHAPTER III: MUTUAL DUTIES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE ... 41.
Marriage the foundation of the domestic constitution,
CHAPTER IV: SPECIAL DUTIES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE ... 77.
The husband most in danger of failing in his duty,
2010 Edition (Paperback)
Modernized and edited from the 1842 Edition
The secret of happiness lies folded up in the leaves of the Bible and is carried in the heart of true religion. A good Christian cannot be a bad husband or father and, as this is equally true in everything, he who has the most piety will shine the most in all the relationships of life.
said the interesting author of the 'Task,' when speaking of home. And he may be felicitated who can say the same. Any attempt, however feeble, to render the domestic circle what it ever should be - a scene of comfort - is at least benevolent. The secret of happiness lies folded up in the leaves of the Bible, and is carried in the bosom of Religion. The author knows of no other way to felicity, and therefore does not profess to teach any other. Let the two parties in wedded life be believers in Christ Jesus, and partake themselves of the peace that passeth understanding; let them, when they become a father and a mother, bring up their children in the fear of God; and if happiness is to be found upon earth, it will be enjoyed within the hallowed circle of a family, thus united by love, and sanctified by grace."
ill-formed marriages,
be guided by advice,
mutual attachment indispensable,
beauty,
love of the person,
mind,
manners,
countenance and heart,
marrying for money,
disappointments,
prudence in your choice,
equality in age,
rank and condition,
ministers' wives,
harmony of religious sentiments,
widows and widowers,
a second wife,
preparation for marriage.
the domestic constitution,
its divine origin,
its nature and design,
true religion is its only basis,
joy and support.
love the ground-work of all,
mutual regard,
avoid offences,
little things,
mine and thine,
mutual respect,
attachment to each other's society,
evenings at home,
public duties,
mutual forbearance,
faults,
mutual assistance,
personal religion,
benevolence,
mutual sympathy in sickness and affliction
Christ a model,
his love was sincere, ardent, supreme, uniform, practical and laborious, durable and unchangeable,
a plea for the wife
The Wife,
her duties,
subjection,
reverence in speech and action,
good humor,
meekness,
extravagance in show and dress,
economy and order
The Mother,
her attention to the welfare and comfort of children,
keeper at home,
literary characters,
religious duties and influence,
reunion in heaven
Most of the works published on this subject have been of a light and trifling character, - but the compiler of this volume has aimed to present such a work as might be deemed a suitable offering from the hand of a Pastor, or Christian Friend.
CHAPTER I: INTRODUCTION
THE FORMATION OF THE MARRIAGE UNION
"Happy they! the happiest of their kind!
Whom gentler stars unite; and in one fate
Their hearts, their fortunes, and their being blend."
It must be evident to all, that marriage is a step of incalculable importance, and ought never to be taken without the greatest consideration and the utmost caution. If the duties of this state are so numerous and so weighty, and if the right discharge of these obligations, as well as the happiness of our whole life, and even our safety for eternity, depend, as they necessarily must do, in no small measure upon the choice we make of a husband or wife, then let reason determine with what deliberation we should advance to such a connexion. It is obvious, that no decision of our whole earthly existence requires more of the exercise of a calm judgment than this; and yet observation proves how rarely the judgment is allowed to give counsel, and how generally the imagination and the passions settle the business.
A very great portion of the misery and of the crime with which society is depraved and afflicted, is the result of ill-formed marriages. To use the beautiful language of another, "those who enter the marriage state cast a die of the greatest contingency, and yet of the greatest interest in the world, next to the last throw for eternity. Life or death, felicity or a lasting sorrow, are in the power of marriage. A woman indeed ventures most, for she hath no sanctuary to retire to, from an evil husband; she must dwell upon her sorrow, which her own folly hath produced; and she is more under it, because her tormentor hath warrant of prerogative, and the woman may complain to God, as subjects do of tyrant princes, but otherwise she hath no appeal in the causes of unkindness. And though the man can run from many hours of sadness, yet he must return to it again; and when he sits among his neighbors, he remembers the objection that lies in his bosom, and he sighs deeply."
If, however, it were merely the comfort of the married pair themselves that was concerned, it would be a matter of less consequence, a stake of less value; but the well-being of a family, not only for this world, but for the next, and equally so the well-being of their descendants, even to a remote period, depends upon this union. In the ardor of passion, few are disposed to listen to the counsels of prudence: and perhaps there is no advice, generally speaking, more thrown away, than that which is offered on the subject of marriage.
Most persons, especially if they are already attached to a selected object, although they have not committed themselves by a promise or even a declaration, will go on in the pursuit, blinded by love to the indiscretion of their choice; or desperately determined, with the knowledge of that indiscretion, to accomplish, if possible, their purpose. Upon such individuals, reasoning is wasted, and they must be left to gain wisdom in the only way by which some will acquire it, - painful experience. To others, who may be yet disengaged, and disposed to hearken to the language of advice, the following remarks are offered.
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"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philipians 4:6 NKJV "You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted by your own affections. ... Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols?" 2 Corinthians 6:12-16 NKJV "Do not be deceived: 'Evil company corrupts good habits.' Awake to righteousness, and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame." 1 Corinthians 15:33-34 NKJV "It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheles, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 NKJV "a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24 KJV "let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5:33 KJV |
In the affair of marriage, BE GUIDED BY THE ADVICE OF PARENTS OR GUARDIANS. Parents have no right to select for you, nor ought you to select for yourself, without consulting with them. How far they are vested with authority to prohibit you from marrying a person whom they disapprove, is a point of casuistry very difficult to determine.
If you are of age, and able to provide for yourselves, or are likely to be well provided for by those to whom you are about to be united, it is a question whether they can do anything more than advise and persuade; but till you are of age, they have positive authority to forbid; and it is an undutiful act in you to form connexions without their knowledge, and to carry them on against their prohibitions.
Their objections ought always, I admit, to be founded on reason, and not on caprice, or pride; for, where this is the case, and children are of full age, and are guided in their choice by prudence, by piety, and by affection, they certainly may, and must be left to decide for themselves. Where, however, parents rest their objections on sufficient grounds, and show plain and palpable reasons for prohibiting a connexion, there it is the manifest duty of sons, and especially of daughters, to give it up. Very seldom does that connexion prove otherwise than a source of wretchedness, on which the frown of an affectionate and wise father and mother fell from the beginning; for God seems to rise up in judgment, and to support the parents' authority, by confirming their displeasure with his own.
Marriage should in every case be formed UPON THE BASIS OF MUTUAL ATTACHMENT. If there be no love before marriage, it cannot be expected there should be any after it. Lovers, as all are supposed to be who are looking forward to this union, without love, have no right to expect happiness; the coldness of indifference is soon likely, in their case, to be changed into aversion. There ought to be personal attachment. If there be anything, even in the exterior, that excites disgust, the banns are forbidden by the voice of nature.
I do not say that beauty of countenance or elegance of form is necessary; by no means; a pure and strong attachment has often existed in the absence of these. And I will not take upon me to determine, that it is absolutely impossible to love deformity; but we certainly ought not to unite ourselves with it, unless we can love it, or, at least, are so enamored with the fascination of mental qualities that may be united with it, as to lose sight of the body in the charms of the mind, the heart, and the manners. All I contend for is, that to proceed to marriage against absolute dislike and revulsion, is irrational, base, and sinful.
But love should respect the mind as well as the body; for to be attached to an individual simply on the ground of beauty, is to fall in love with a doll, a statue, or a picture. Such an attachment is lust or fancy, but certainly not
a rational affection. If we love the body, but do not love the mind, the heart, and the manners, our regard is placed upon the inferior part of the person, and, therefore, only upon that which, by disease, may be next year a very different thing to what it is now. Nothing fades so soon as beauty; it is but like the delicate bloom of an attractive fruit, and, if there be nothing agreeable underneath, will be thrown away in disgust when that is brushed off; and thrown away, too, by the very hand of him that plucks it.
"The charms of mind increase by acquaintance, while those of the exterior diminish ... the former easily reconcile us to a plain countenance, the latter excite, by the power of contrast, a distaste ... Instead of determining to stake our happiness upon ... blooming weeds ... let us ask, will the understanding, united with that countenance, render its subject fit to be my companion, and the instructor of my children?"
It is so commonly remarked, as to be proverbial, that the charms of mind increase by acquaintance, while those of the exterior diminish; and that, while the former easily reconcile us to a plain countenance, the latter excite, by the power of contrast, a distaste for the insipidity, ignorance, and heartlessness with which they are united, like gaudy, scentless flowers, growing in a desert. Instead of determining to stake our happiness upon the act of gathering these blooming weeds, to place them in our bosom, let us ask, how they will look a few years hence, or how they will adorn and bless our habitation? Let us ask, will the understanding, united with that countenance, render its subject fit to be my companion, and the instructor of my children? Will that temper patiently bear with my weaknesses, kindly consult my tastes, affectionately study my comfort? Will those manners please me in solitude, as well as in society? Will those habits render my dwelling pleasant to myself and to my friends? We must try these matters, and hold our passions back, that we may take counsel with our judgment, and suffer reason to come down and talk with us in the cool of the evening.
Such, then, is the love on which marriage should be contracted; love to the whole person; love to the mind, and heart, and manners, as well as to the countenance and form; love tempered with respect; for this only is the attachment that is likely to survive the charms of novelty, the spoliation of disease, and the influence of time; that is likely to support the tender sympathies and exquisite sensibilities of the conjugal state; and render man and wife, to the verge of extreme old age, what it was the intention of him who instituted the marriage union they should be, - the help and the comfort of each other.
Young people should be extremely careful, to let no persuasions of others, no impulse of their own covetousness, no anxiety to be their own masters and mistresses, no ambition for secular splendor, induce them to enter into a connexion to which they are not drawn by the solicitations of a pure and virtuous love. What will a large house, splendid furniture, a gay equipage, and fashionable entertainments do for their possessor, in the absence of connubial love? "Is it for these baubles, these toys," exclaims the wretched heart as it awakens, alas! too late, in some sad scene of domestic wo, "is it for this I have bartered away myself, my happiness, my honor?"
"How ill the scenes that offer rest,
And hearts that cannot rest, agree!"
O, there is a sweetness, a charm, a power to please, in pure and mutual affection, though it be cherished in the humblest abode, and maintained amidst the plainest circumstances, and has to contend with many difficulties, compared with which, the elegances and brilliancies of worldly grandeur are but as the splendor of an Eastern palace, to one of the bowers of the garden of Eden. Let the man nobly determine to earn his daily bread by the sweat of his brow, and find his daily task sweetened by the thought that it is for the woman he loves, rather than roll about in his chariot, and live a life of splendid indolence and misery, with the woman he does not love; and let the other sex as nobly and heroically determine to trust to their own energies, but especially to a gracious Providence, rather than marry without affection for the sake of a settlement.
Then there is another error committed by some: having been disappointed in a connexion which they hoped to form, they become reckless for the future, and, in a temper of mind bordering upon revenge, accept the first individual who may present himself, whether they love him or not. This is the last degree of folly, and is such an act of suicidal violence upon their own peace, as can neither be described nor reprobated in terms sufficiently strong. This is to act like the enraged scorpion, and to turn their sting upon themselves; and in an act of spleen to sacrifice their happiness to folly.
Marriage should ever be contracted WITH THE STRICTEST REGARD TO THE RULES OF PRUDENCE. Discretion is a virtue at which none but fools laugh. In reference to no subject is it more frequently set aside and despised, than in that which, of all that can be mentioned, most needs its sober counsels. For love to be seen standing at the oracle of wisdom is thought, by some romantic and silly young people, to be a thing altogether out of place. If they only were concerned, they might be left to their folly, to be punished by its fruits; but imprudent marriages, as we have already considered, spread far and wide their bad consequences, and also send these consequences down to posterity.
The understanding is given to us to control the passions and the imagination; and they, who, in an affair of such consequence as choosing a companion for life, set aside the testimony of the former, and listen only to the advice of the latter, have, in that instance, at least, forfeited the character of a rational being, and sunk to the level of those creatures who are wholly governed by appetite, unchecked by reason. Prudence would prevent, if it were allowed to guide the conduct of mankind, a very large portion of human misery. In the business before us, it would allow none to marry till they had a prospect of support. It is perfectly obvious to me, that the present generation of young people are not distinguished by a discretion of this kind; they are too much in haste to enter the conjugal state, and place themselves at the heads of families, before they have any rational hope of being able to support them. As soon almost as they arrive at the age of manhood, whether they are in business or not, before they have ascertained whether their business will succeed or not, they look round for a wife, and make a hasty, perhaps an injudicious selection. Let young people exercise their reason and their foresight; or, if they will not, but are determined to rush into the expenses of housekeeping, before they have opened sources to meet them, let them hear, in spite of the syren song of their imagination, the voice of faithful warning, and prepare to eat the bitter herbs of useless regrets, for many a long and weary year after the nuptial feast has passed away.
Prudence forbids all unequal marriages. There should be an equality as near as may be in AGE. How unnatural, how odious is it to see a young man fastened to a piece of antiquity, so as to perplex strangers to determine whether he is living with a wife or a mother! No one will give the woman in the one case, or the man in the other, the credit of marrying for love; and the world will be ill-natured enough, and one can hardly help joining in the censoriousness, to say that such matches are mere pecuniary speculations; for, generally speaking, the old party in the union is a rich one; and as generally they carry a scourge for the other in their purse. A fortune has often thus been a misfortune for both.
Equality of RANK is desirable, or as near to it as possible. It is much less perilous for a rich man to descend into the vale of poverty for a wife, than it is for a rich woman to go down for a husband. He can much more easily raise his companion to his own level, than she can. Society will much more readily accommodate themselves to his error, than to hers. Much of the happiness of the conjugal state depends upon the relatives of the parties; and if the marriage has offended them, if it has degraded them, how much of bitterness is it in their power to throw into the cup of enjoyment! Many a wife has carried to her grave the sting inflicted upon her peace by the insults of her husband's friends; and in all such cases, he must receive a part of the venom.
To my brethren in the ministry I do recommend, and recommend with an earnestness which I have no language sufficiently emphatic to express, the greatest caution in this most delicate and important affair. In their case, the effects of an imprudent marriage are felt in the church of the living God. If the wives of the deacons are to be "grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things," what less can be required of the wives of the pastors? "A bishop must be blameless, one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity. For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?" But how can he exhibit in his domestic constitution the beautiful order and harmony which should prevail in every Christian family, and especially in every minister's house, without the intelligent and industrious co-operation of his wife? And how can this be expected of one who has no intelligence or industry? Not only much of the comfort, but of the character of a minister, DEPENDS UPON HIS WIFE; and what is of still greater consequence, much of his usefulness.
Marriage should always be formed WITH A DUE REGARD TO THE DICTATES OF RELIGION. A pious person should not marry anyone who is not also pious. It is not desirable to be united to an individual even of a different denomination, and who, as a point of conscience, attends her own place of worship. It is not pleasant on a Sabbath morning to separate, and go one to one place of worship, and the other to another. The most delightful walk that a holy couple can take, is to the house of God in company, and when, in reference to the high themes of redemption and the invisible realities of eternity, they take sweet counsel together. No one would willingly lose this. But, oh, to walk separately in a still more important and dreadful sense! to part at the point where the two roads to eternity branch off, the one to heaven, the other to hell; and for the believer "to travel on to glory, with the awful consciousness, that the other party is journeying to perdition!" This is indeed dreadful, and is of itself sufficient to occasion no small diminution of conjugal felicity.
If, however, the comfort of the parties only were concerned, it would be a matter of less consequence; but it is a matter of conscience, and an affair in which we have no option. "She is at liberty to marry whom she will," says the apostle, speaking to the case of a widow, "but only in the Lord." Now, though this was said in reference to a female, all the reasons of the law belong with equal force to the other sex. This appears to me to be not only advice, but law, and is as binding upon the conscience as any other law that we find in the word of God; and the incidental manner in which this injunction occurs is, as has been very properly remarked, to the intelligent reader of Scripture, the strongest confirmation of the rule in all cases where marriage is in prospect, and where there has been no engagement previous to conversion.
As to the other passage, where the apostle commands us not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers, it does not apply to marriage, except by inference, but to church fellowship, or rather to association and conduct in generel, in reference to which, professing Christians are not to symbolize with unbelievers. But if this be improper in regard to other matters, how much more so in that connexion which has so powerful an influence over our character, as well as our happiness! For a Christian, then, to marry an individual who is not decidedly and evidently a pious person, is a direct opposition to the word of God.
And as Scripture is against it, so also is reason; for "how can two walk together, except they be agreed?" A difference of taste in minor matters is an impediment in the way of domestic comfort; but to be opposed to each other on the all-important subject of religion, is a risk, even as it respects our comfort, which no considerate person should be induced, on any considerations, to incur. How can the higher ends of the domestic constitution be answered, where one of the parents has not the spiritual qualifications necessary for accomplishing them? How can the work of religious education be conducted, and the children be trained in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?
And as it respects individual and personal assistance in religious matters, do we not all want helps instead of hindrances? A Christian should make everything bend to religion, but allow religion to bend to nothing. This is the one thing needful, to which everything should be subordinate; and, surely, to place out of consideration the affairs of his eternal salvation, in so important an affair as marriage, shows either that the religion of a person who acts thus is but profession, or likely soon to become so.
No one should contemplate the prospect of such a connexion as marriage without the greatest and most serious deliberation, nor without the most earnest prayer to God for direction. Prayer, however, to be acceptable to the Almighty, should be sincere, and should be presented with a real desire to know and do his will. Many, I believe, act towards the Deity as they do towards their friends: they make up their minds, and then ask to be directed. They have some doubts, and very often strong ones, of the propriety of the step they are about to take, which are gradually dissipated by their supplications, till they have prayed themselves into a conviction that they are quite right in the decision, which they have, in fact, already made.
To pray for direction in an affair which we know to be in opposition to God's word, and on which we have already resolved to act, is adding hypocrisy to rebellion. If there be reason to believe that the individual, who solicits a Christian to unite herself with him in marriage, is not truly pious, what need has she of praying to be directed? This seems like asking the Almighty to be permitted to do that which he has forbidden to be done.
In the case of WIDOWS and WIDOWERS, especially where there is a family, peculiar prudence is necessary. I have known instances in which such persons have sacrificed all their own tastes and predilections, and have made their selection with exclusive reference to their children. Such a sacrifice is indeed generous; but it may become a question whether it is discreet. It is placing their own comfort, and even character, in some degree of peril, neither of which can be lost, without most serious mischief to those very children, whose interests they have so heroically consulted. This, however, is an error much more rare and venial, than that of the opposite extreme. How unseemly and inconsiderate is it for a sexagenarian to bring home a young wife, and place her over daughters older than herself, and introduce into the family circle aunts and uncles younger than some of the nephews and nieces! Rare is the case, in which such inexpedient connexions are formed, without the authors of them losing much of their own reputation, and destroying much of the comfort of their families. Let not such men wonder, if their daughters by the first marriage are driven from their home by the consequences of the second, and are led to form imprudent matches, to which they were led by the force of parental example, and urged by the consequences of parental folly.
In the selection of a second companion for life, where the first had been eminent for talents or virtues, much care should be taken that there be no great and striking inferiority; for, in such a case,
"busy, meddling memory,
In barbarous succession, musters up
The past endearments of their softer hours;"
which form a contrast ever present and ever painful. The man that never knew by experience the joy of a happy marriage, can never know the ills of an imprudent one, as aggravated by the power of comparison. Let him that has thus known them beware how he expose himself to such helpless, hopeless misery.
Due care should also be exercised in reference to children's interests. Has the woman about to be selected that principle, that prudence, that self-control, that good temper, which, if she become herself a mother, will help her to conceal her partialities, (for to suppress them is impossible, and would be unnatural,) and to seem no less kind to her adopted offspring than to her own? That man acts a most cruel, a most wicked part towards the memory of his first wife, who does not provide for her children a kind and judicious friend in his second. Let me become the advocate of fatherless or motherless children, and entreat, for the sake both of the living and the dead, a due regard to the comfort of these orphans.
Nor should less deliberation be exercised by the party who is about to take, or invited to take, the care of another person's children. Have they love enough for the parent to bear the burden of care for his sake? Have they kindness enough, discretion enough, for such a situation, and for such an office? There is no difficulty where the children are lovely in person, and amiable in temper; but when they have no personal attractions, no charms of mind, no endearments of character, then is the time to realize the truth of the remark, "a wife may be supplied, a mother cannot." The man or the woman, that can act a parent's part towards a froward and unlovely child, must have more than nature, (for this belongs only to a real parent,) they must have principle and kindness, and need have grace. Let all who are invited to take the superintendence of a family, ask themselves, if they possess the requisites for the comfortable and satisfactory discharge of its duties. Let them inquire whether it is likely they can be happy in such a situation themselves; for if not, they had far better never enter it, as their unhappiness must inevitably fill the whole family circle with misery.
It cannot be sufficiently deplored, that all suitable preparation for the marriage state is usually put aside for the busy activities of vanity, which, in fact, are but as dust in the balance of conjugal destiny. Every thought, and anticipation, and anxiety, is too often absorbed in the selection of a house and furniture, and in matters still more insignificant and frivolous.
Published by Hail & Fire
“As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” - Ephesians 5:24-25
An exhortation on CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE AND ITS DUTIES.
A Bible placed between man and wife as the basis of their union, the rule of their conduct, and the model of their spirit will make up for many differences between them, comfort them under many crosses, guide them through many straits, support them in their last sad parting from one another and reunite them in that happy world where they shall remain forever. Let the two parties in wedded life be believers in Christ Jesus and partake themselves of the peace that surpasses understanding. And if happiness is to be found on earth, it will be enjoyed within the hallowed circle of a family thus united by love and sanctified by grace.
BONUS SERMON - included at back of book:
Right to Divorce & Remarriage in the Case of Adultery by John Owen
How common is it for a female to spend those hours, day after day, and week after week, in communion with her milliner, debating and discussing the subject of the color, and form, and material, in which she is to shine forth in nuptial splendor, which ought to be employed in meditating the eventful step, which is to fix for life her destiny, and that of her intended husband; as if the great object were to appear a gay and fashionable bride, rather than to be a good and happy wife! But; -
2010 Edition (Paperback)
Modernized and edited from the 1842 Edition
The secret of happiness lies folded up in the leaves of the Bible and is carried in the heart of true religion. A good Christian cannot be a bad husband or father and, as this is equally true in everything, he who has the most piety will shine the most in all the relationships of life.
"Joy, serious and sublime,
Such as doth nerve the energies of prayer,
Should swell the bosom, when a maiden's hand,
Filled with life's dewy flowerets, girdeth on
That harness, which the ministry of Death
Alone unlooseth, but whose fearful power
May stamp the sentence of Eternity."
"Study," said an old author, "the duties of marriage before you enter into it. There are crosses to be borne, there are snares to be avoided, and manifold obligations to be discharged, as well as great felicity to be enjoyed. And should no provision be made? For want of this, result the frequent disappointments of that honorable estate. Hence that repentance which is at once too soon, and too late. The husband knows not how to rule; and the wife knows not how to obey."
"Women are not for rule designed,
Nor yet for blind submission. Happy they
Who, while they feel it pleasure to obey,
Have yet a kind companion at their side,
Who in the journey will his power divide,
Or yield the reins, and bid the lady guide;
Then points the wonders of the way, and makes
The duty pleasant that she undertakes;
He shows the objects as they pass along,
And gently rules the movements that are wrong;
He tells her all the skilful driver's art,
And smiles to see how well she acts her part;
Nor praise denies to courage or to skill,
In using power, that he resumes at will."
"Home!
There's magic in that little word;
It is a mystic circle which surrounds
Comforts and virtues, never known
Beyond the hallowed limit."
A FAMILY! How delightful the associations we form with such a word! How pleasing the images with which it crowds the mind, and how tender the emotions which it awakens in the heart! Who can wonder that domestic happiness should be a theme dear to poetry, and that it should have called forth some of the sweetest strains of fancy and of feeling? Or who can be surprised, that of all the objects which present themselves in the vista of futurity to the eye of those who are setting out on the journey of life, this should excite the most ardent desires, and engage the most active pursuits? But, alas, of those who, in the ardor of youth, start for the possession of this dear prize, how many fail! And why? Because their imagination alone is engaged on the subject: they have no definite ideas of what it means, nor of the way in which it is to be obtained. It is a mere lovely creation of a romantic mind, and oftentimes, with such persons, fades away,
"And, like the baseless fabric of a vision,
Leaves not a wreck behind."
It may be of service, therefore, to lay open the sources of domestic happiness, and to show that these are to be found, not in the flowery regions of imagination, but in the sober realities of piety, chaste love, prudence, and well formed connexions. These precious springs are within the reach of all who will take the right path that leads to them; and this is the way of knowledge. We must make ourselves acquainted with the nature, designs, and importance of the family compact; we must analyze this union to ascertain its elements, its laws, and its purposes. Who can be a good member of any state, without knowing the nature of its constitution, and the laws by which it is directed? And it is equally vain to look for domestic happiness, without a clear insight into the ...
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